Thursday, May 28, 2009

umbrella

This was an entry for haikuworld's May kukai in the Free Format category. The theme was "Umbrella".

It managed to get a total of...one ( 1 ) point. :)


parasol
photo by impure-with-memory
image from morguefile.com



umbrella




summer rain
dancing on umbrellas-

       our heartbeats



May 2009
========


© cheong lee san, 2009

Labels: ,

6 Comments:

Anonymous gautami tripathy said...

That Umbrella alone deserves 10 points!

I like heartbeats dancing on it!

29 May, 2009 00:11  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

:D10 points only?.

Thank you, Gautami!

29 May, 2009 21:00  
Blogger ArtsyLynne said...

dancing on umbrellas- I like this line
and I LOVE that break between that line and "our heartbeats". I literally sucked in my breath and exhaled "ahhhhhh" in romantic memory.

30 May, 2009 10:17  
Blogger magiceye said...

love the lilt in it!

30 May, 2009 13:42  
OpenID benjaminchew110478 said...

I love attempting haiku (and tanka) as well, though not very good at it.

Nice try!

30 May, 2009 14:51  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi GEL, welcome back! it's great to hear from you.

i am glad that you can see the line break is intentional. as if the last line is being sheltered by the top two lines. :)


magiceye, thanks!

hey, i try to write something cheerful once a while. :)


thanks, benjamin!

i think you will have no problems with the haiku or tanka. :)

30 May, 2009 21:01  

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