umbrella
This was an entry for haikuworld's May kukai in the Free Format category. The theme was "Umbrella".
It managed to get a total of...one ( 1 ) point. :)
photo by impure-with-memory
image from morguefile.com
umbrella
summer rain
dancing on umbrellas-
our heartbeats
May 2009
========
© cheong lee san, 2009
It managed to get a total of...one ( 1 ) point. :)
photo by impure-with-memory
image from morguefile.com
umbrella
summer rain
dancing on umbrellas-
our heartbeats
May 2009
========
© cheong lee san, 2009
posted by dsnake1 at 11:32 PM
6 Comments:
That Umbrella alone deserves 10 points!
I like heartbeats dancing on it!
:D10 points only?.
Thank you, Gautami!
dancing on umbrellas- I like this line
and I LOVE that break between that line and "our heartbeats". I literally sucked in my breath and exhaled "ahhhhhh" in romantic memory.
love the lilt in it!
I love attempting haiku (and tanka) as well, though not very good at it.
Nice try!
hi GEL, welcome back! it's great to hear from you.
i am glad that you can see the line break is intentional. as if the last line is being sheltered by the top two lines. :)
magiceye, thanks!
hey, i try to write something cheerful once a while. :)
thanks, benjamin!
i think you will have no problems with the haiku or tanka. :)
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