every morning the sun looks in (#2)
in limbo in the city, and in grief...
photo by dsnake1
every morning the sun looks in (#2)
Every morning the sun looks in with the gaze of a bored child.
The dust on the linoleum is thick but what is another million motes?
I am just waiting for that grenade to roll across that linoleum floor.
It's not that we like to argue but the words are lost in translation.
But now I would give anything to hear us argue again, no translations.
You say I am handsome in a dumb way and is probably not a virgin.
You are beautiful in a dumb way, the way you look into the future.
Everyone said you are a Japanese but the only word you know is sayonara.
Kyoto, sakura, Harajku, but the only word I said to you is sayonara.
Anything that occured on this planet, passes us by, the planet crying.
They say the Paris Peace Talks stalled, but the planet is nonchalant.
I watch young kids grow up into gangsters but you didn't watch with me.
Remember that kid yelling, fuck!, and you go to him with a pair of scissors?
Every morning the sun looks in with the gaze of a bored child.
21/04/2023
**********
This form is called a duplex poem. It is a combination of the sonnet, the ghazal and the blues. It has 14 lines, arranged in couplets, in which the first line of the couplet repeats words and phrases from the previous line. For the last couplet, the last line repeats the very first line.
A Perfect Circle - Eat The Elephant
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2023
every morning the sun looks in (#2)
Every morning the sun looks in with the gaze of a bored child.
The dust on the linoleum is thick but what is another million motes?
I am just waiting for that grenade to roll across that linoleum floor.
It's not that we like to argue but the words are lost in translation.
But now I would give anything to hear us argue again, no translations.
You say I am handsome in a dumb way and is probably not a virgin.
You are beautiful in a dumb way, the way you look into the future.
Everyone said you are a Japanese but the only word you know is sayonara.
Kyoto, sakura, Harajku, but the only word I said to you is sayonara.
Anything that occured on this planet, passes us by, the planet crying.
They say the Paris Peace Talks stalled, but the planet is nonchalant.
I watch young kids grow up into gangsters but you didn't watch with me.
Remember that kid yelling, fuck!, and you go to him with a pair of scissors?
Every morning the sun looks in with the gaze of a bored child.
21/04/2023
**********
This form is called a duplex poem. It is a combination of the sonnet, the ghazal and the blues. It has 14 lines, arranged in couplets, in which the first line of the couplet repeats words and phrases from the previous line. For the last couplet, the last line repeats the very first line.
A Perfect Circle - Eat The Elephant
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2023
Labels: 70's, 90's, anger, duplex poem, ennui, grief, heartlands, love
posted by dsnake1 at 12:03 AM
15 Comments:
Oh my, another form to attempt! You are beautiful in a dumb way totally captured my fancy! (That means wonderfully in case you have never heard the saying.)
What an interesting form. I like what it does to the voice and perspective. The repetition makes it feel like there is more than one speaker or like the speaker's mind changes fast and sharply, as if flashing through thoughts... And the opening/closing line is a poem all by itself. Or, the beginning of a story I would love to read.
The dust on the linoleum is thick but what is another million motes?... I love that line and the whole poem. And thanks for showing me yet another new form. This must be hard to write, building in the repetitions.
Helen,
Thank you!
Glad you like that line. :)
Magaly,
Thank you!
Yes, it seems like there is more than one speaker and they are having almost identical thoughts. Thus, duplex.
If you notice, there is a (2) in the title. There is in fact, a poem of the same title already published in this blog before, a ghazal like poem. Quite different imagery though but bleak, as usual. :)
Rajani,
Thank you!
This form looks hard, even intimidating, but it took me just a short while to write it.
I came across this form doing SingPoWriMo in April, and thought I should give it a try, and based the title on an older published poem in my blog. :)
SingPoWriMo seems very interesting with all these forms!
I so love this poem! Particularly the ghazal-y and bluesy aspects (two of my favourite things).
And of course I also love learning a new form to attempt.
Rajani,
SingPoWriMo is a facebook group of about 7.5K members, mostly from Singapore, but I believe there are also foreign writers. Every April, members are challenged to write a poem a day. There is a daily prompt by the mods during the period, and there's where I heard of these poetic forms. :)
One can also post to the group during any time of the year.
Rosemary,
😄
I know you love the ghazal a lot.
Yes, it's an interesting form to attempt.
What all did you discuss?
the problems of the world
we solved every problem
And what did you do then
we tackled little ones
fixed all doing our way
We cussed, argued, and killed
dSnakes' brilliant model
..
The void, the helplessness.....I would give anything to hear us argue again ....so painfully beautiful
Jim,
Thank you for the poetic response. 😃
On the 6th of June, I was thinking about that day in 1944, when a single decision, to go forward with a plan, probably change the course of the world for the better.
No, this poem is not about that day. I wanted to write about it, but it will be for another day.
This poem is about emptiness, personal problems, and a personal grief. The "Peace talks" is to put a timestamp to the events in the poem. :)
Jossina,
Thank you! :)
"the void, the helplessness", ah yes, that's what this poem is about too.
Wow. This is a stunning, incisive poem with such singularly powerful images. And I must try this form. I'm sure it was one of the challenges during NaPoWriMo but I think I just did a classic sonnet in the end. Love the first couplet especially.
Sunra,
Thank you!
Then it must have been a happy coincidence because someone wrote about this form at SingPoWriMo (our Singapore version of NaPoWriMo). I wasn't sure it was one of the daily prompts/challenges because I was already pretty lost by that time. But I thought it was an interesting form and decided to give it a try. :)
This seems like a challenging form, but you did it so well.
Well written 👏
Rommy,
Yes, I think it is not an easy form, to really do it well.
I spent a couple of days on it, writing out lines of imagery, and then working out the sequences. it was quite fun though. :)
Ashok,
Thank you!
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