dark side of the moon #6
The money in the box seems very little. For someone who has given much.
photo by robenmarie at morguefile
dark side of the moon #6
He is holding the erhu like an uneasy stick insect.
He knows there is not much cash in the old shoe box.
He wonders if he is going to go hungry again tonight.
He is having a reunion dinner with his old parents again.
Zhaojun, my Beauty, you turn your head and look at me!
A wide smile forms on his lips, not seen in many days.
The police are alerted to an old, still busker at the station.
original longish poem : 23/07/2019
revised to a sevenling : 14/10/2020
*****************************
Notes :
* erhu : a two-stringed bowed musical instrument.
* Wang Zhaojun : one of the 4 Great Beauties of China.
* The original poem is very much longer. Changing it to a sevenling form condenses it to a more manageable, compact format with the imagery taking on a more enigmatic hue.
"one shoe in the corner
standing upright
the other laying on its
side.
yes, some lives were made to be
wasted."
-- Charles Bukowski, it was just a little while ago
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2021
dark side of the moon #6
He is holding the erhu like an uneasy stick insect.
He knows there is not much cash in the old shoe box.
He wonders if he is going to go hungry again tonight.
He is having a reunion dinner with his old parents again.
Zhaojun, my Beauty, you turn your head and look at me!
A wide smile forms on his lips, not seen in many days.
The police are alerted to an old, still busker at the station.
original longish poem : 23/07/2019
revised to a sevenling : 14/10/2020
*****************************
Notes :
* erhu : a two-stringed bowed musical instrument.
* Wang Zhaojun : one of the 4 Great Beauties of China.
* The original poem is very much longer. Changing it to a sevenling form condenses it to a more manageable, compact format with the imagery taking on a more enigmatic hue.
"one shoe in the corner
standing upright
the other laying on its
side.
yes, some lives were made to be
wasted."
-- Charles Bukowski, it was just a little while ago
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2021
Labels: dark, dark side of the moon, sevenling, waste
posted by dsnake1 at 11:08 PM
15 Comments:
The Sevenling form lends itself quite well here ... your notes make it even more fascinating.
Thank you, Helen! :)
Didn't know this form Nice Very touching how the Zhaojun makes him smile despite hunger
Thank you, Marja!
it's an interesting form. :)
I assumed that the mention of the busker being attacked and robbed was the reason he could afford to go to the reunion dinner with his parents.
thank you, Robin.
no, the busker wasn't attacked, he was just having delusional thoughts before he passed on with old age. i guess that wasn't too clear in the poem. :)
The poem was a little mysterious perhaps, but I got that he was having delusional thoughts – lovely delusions, which must have sweetened his passing for him, one hopes. What a contrast to the sad reality. A very moving piece.
Interesting that you used the sevenling.
Happy that you gave us the notes to better understand the story in your poem
Thanks for dropping by my blog
Much💜love
Rosemary,
yes, a sad reality.
there are others, if we care to look. the single elderly living alone. the ones scavenging for cans and cardboard for a living.
Gillena,
Thank you!
i think it is the first time i am using this form. The original piece reads like prose and is pretty long. :)
Once I looked up "erhu" it all came into focus. A snippet of life with a larger story within.
thank you, Colleen.
this is a bit 'chinese' and perhaps if written in chinese and for that audience, it might work better. but my Chinese language is awful. :)
The sevenling form has made the poem even more impactful. The explanation of the terms helped to understand better. Great write.
Thank you, Nithya! :)
The first stanza made me sad, the second gave me hope--perhaps, even, elation--then the closing stanza broke my heart. I want to think that he's dreaming, and the that things will be better at the time of waking. But for some reason, I don't think that's the truth.
Magaly, that's exactly how the emotions in the poem should roll.
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