50
is it that long already?
photo by Karen Zhao at Unsplash
50
you could be with me today
but i am all by myself
in the train
watching little squares of glass
coloured paint
of apartment blocks
tessellated
rushing by
and the evening sky
threatening to weep.
we could be in a restaurant today
maybe not a fancy one
but nevertheless one
we wanted to try
because i can afford it now
and a couple of
working class beers of course.
but now i am all by
myself
in the train
with anonymous faces
with the sad masses
going home
their rush hour hands
pushing at my shoulders.
and coming out of the tunnels
i wanted to call your name
but the words
the words
they never come
because
the evening sky
had started to turn grey
and
about to weep.
written 21/09/2010
revised 21/09/2018
****************
Pink Floyd - Time
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2021
50
you could be with me today
but i am all by myself
in the train
watching little squares of glass
coloured paint
of apartment blocks
tessellated
rushing by
and the evening sky
threatening to weep.
we could be in a restaurant today
maybe not a fancy one
but nevertheless one
we wanted to try
because i can afford it now
and a couple of
working class beers of course.
but now i am all by
myself
in the train
with anonymous faces
with the sad masses
going home
their rush hour hands
pushing at my shoulders.
and coming out of the tunnels
i wanted to call your name
but the words
the words
they never come
because
the evening sky
had started to turn grey
and
about to weep.
written 21/09/2010
revised 21/09/2018
****************
Pink Floyd - Time
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2021
Labels: 00's, birthday, heartlands, loneliness, longing, loss, love, urban
posted by dsnake1 at 9:36 PM
27 Comments:
Lonely & reminiscent. Perfectly expressed. Been there. Awesome work.
This just catches the heart and doesn't let go. Lovely and full of what-ifs.
Ron.
Thank you! :)
Chrissa,
yes, the what-ifs.
thank you! :)
Oh, set that to music. What a melancholy tribute to what if
A sad soliloquy, one oft repeated by lonely travelers, I'd guess. Well penned.
Thoughts of what could-have-been are an excruciating form of self-torture.
An amazing poem ... beautifully composed. I enjoyed the message, emotion ... every word.
So many bittersweet things to love about this poem: the speaker's longing for what could be, the use of the environment to show the speaker's state of mind (the final about burst into tears is brilliant), the clarity of details ("their rush hour hands / pushing at my shoulders", I can practically feel their fingers). Sigh.
Great poem It depicts the atmosphere and feeling so well
This took me to a familiar place — well written.
This speaks to my heart.
And now I am tearful! For me the very saddest line was 'because i can afford it now', speaking so eloquently of loss and futility, and time having moved on.
Debi,
ah, set to music! that's an idea! :)
Beverly,
yes, even in a crowded city, one can be lonely. :(
Rommy,
Indeed, a form of self-torture. :(
Helen,
Thank you! :)
Magaly,
Thank you! glad you liked those details. for anyone who has travelled on the subway/metro, this will be quite relatable. :)
Marja,
Thank you! :)
Rob,
Thank you! :)
Jenna,
Thank you for the kind comment. :)
Rosemary,
Thank you!
that line speaks of futility, and regret. she could not enjoy that pricey food anymore, and i would not want to try it on my own.
Wistful and a long for what may have been. Very emotive.
Thank you, Cosmo! :)
Longingly sad, beautifully expressed.
Anna
Thank you, Anna. :)
This poem really spoke to me. It reminded me of the last time I went to my daughter’s by train, a year ago, just before the first lockdown in the UK. I love the image of the ‘little squares of glass / coloured paint / of apartment blocks / tessellated’, and the way you evoked the feeling of being alone on a train, surrounded by strangers. The ending is haunting.
Thank you, Kim.
it can be strange, that even on a crowded train, one can feel lonely.
Fabulous blog
Thank you, Rajani. :)
I just love this, the structure, the scenes described, the melancholy, the aloneness. I wish I had thought of it and wrote it! Bravo!
Thank you, Colleen, for your kind words. :)
Who'd be a twenty-something yuppie in the city again? It's easy to remember the good things from the past and forget the angst. Thanks for reminding us.
haha, "twenty-something yuppie in the city "!
it's just that time flies, and sometimes what we just left are memories.
thanks for the visit to my blog! :)
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