Haibun : Rush Hour
Trying my hand at a haibun. Hope it works.
I have been working throughout the weekend, didn't have much time to clean up this one. :)
image enhanced by dsnake1
from a photo from freefoto.com
Rush Hour
It is morning rush hour, and an earlier thunderstorm does not help matters. The roads and pavements are wet and slick. The school kids with their heavy haversacks pace themselves like condemned prisoners. They are already weary and the day has only just started. The adults waiting at the bus stop are just as gloomy. It is a lousy day to be out in the streets. The cars and buses are lined up bumper to bumper, waiting for the traffic lights to change. Somewhere an angry horn sounds, someone is getting very very impatient.
green man turns red
old uncle with cane
starts to cross road
01/10/07
********
mood of the day
I have been working throughout the weekend, didn't have much time to clean up this one. :)
image enhanced by dsnake1
from a photo from freefoto.com
Rush Hour
It is morning rush hour, and an earlier thunderstorm does not help matters. The roads and pavements are wet and slick. The school kids with their heavy haversacks pace themselves like condemned prisoners. They are already weary and the day has only just started. The adults waiting at the bus stop are just as gloomy. It is a lousy day to be out in the streets. The cars and buses are lined up bumper to bumper, waiting for the traffic lights to change. Somewhere an angry horn sounds, someone is getting very very impatient.
green man turns red
old uncle with cane
starts to cross road
01/10/07
********
mood of the day
posted by dsnake1 at 9:06 PM
4 Comments:
well it certainly brings urban life back for me
(mind you nowadays i'm more like the old guy with the cane) :)
you're working too hard dsnake - i miss your posts
cheers
well it certainly conveys the mood.
and i love the twist in the haiku.
i would only replace a few words in the haiku - if you don't mind my suggestion:-
change of light
an old man with a cane
starts to cross the road
floots,
no choice, have to put food on the table.:) the fact is, there's a coming holiday and there's a lot of people taking leave, so the workload goes up.
how i envy you on the Isle of Skye. :)
polona,
thanks for the suggestion. :)
it certainly looks and sounds more taut and cleaner.
in our local colloquiality, "uncle" is used broadly to describe an elderly or middle-aged man, :)
sorry for all these late replies. (floots, i am still slaving away..) :D
Rush hour by itself is bad enough. I think your foray into this genre has been very well written.
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