Sunday, September 09, 2007

a triolet : i thought i hear your voice in the wind

one of my few attempts at structured verse. Tried one of the easiest, the triolet.

The first 2 lines are taken from a refrain of a poem that i wrote some time back. I think it's rather sad, but lovely.


i thought i hear your voice in the wind
image by dsnake1


i thought i hear your voice in the wind



i thought i hear your voice in the wind
but it was just me whispering your name.
though i have grown old and tired and bitter
i thought i hear your voice in the wind
through all the years, the static, the babble
and battles, without you, are not the same
i thought i hear your voice in the wind
but it was just me whispering your name.


05.09.07
********


Not sure if line 3 should rhyme with line 4 and line 5, but i read somewhere that line 3 need not rhyme with line 4, but line 3 must rhyme with line 5. Maybe someone can help me? See, I am lost already.


mood of the day
the mood is mushy

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10 Comments:

Blogger floots said...

if you are lost then you are lost in a beautiful place :)
cheers

09 September, 2007 16:16  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

:)

then i will rather stay lost. :)
cheers!

09 September, 2007 16:20  
Blogger Pat Paulk said...

There are a few names I keep whispering in the wind, but, unlike bread on water, they don't come back. Beautiful!!

09 September, 2007 22:51  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thanks, pat.
some of us have memories that are hard to leave behind. :)

10 September, 2007 00:06  
Blogger magiceye said...

love it as it is....lovely!

12 September, 2007 23:00  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thanks, magiceye!

13 September, 2007 00:11  
Anonymous gautami tripathy said...

What is poetry if not getting lost?

You did fine really!

I like the refrains!

14 September, 2007 02:10  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

gautami,
thank you!

"What is poetry if not getting lost?" : :D (grinz)

most of the time. :)

14 September, 2007 10:06  
Anonymous reluctant scribe said...

No idea how what the rules are. I don't know about you but I prefer to make up the structure as I write. I loved this one, it's sad but also bouncy leading to a light melancholic tone. Good stuff.

17 September, 2007 20:57  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

i am not too good with structured verse, maybe the discipline is not there. :)

i also like to make up the structure as i write. to me, the form of a poem is important. sets the mood for what i am writing at that time.

however, i will try the traditional forms (sonnets, villanelle,) once a while.

thanks, Ario!

17 September, 2007 23:40  

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