haiku : autumn
This was my entry for haikuworld's November kukai. The theme for the Free Format kukai was "Everyday People".
Okay, the haiku didn't do too well, nobody voted for it. :) But I am posting it anyway, since I am running out of words.
photo by Kettu
image from morguefile.com
autumn
falling autumn leaves.
an old man dozes
on a park bench.
And another one I didn't send in..
a mother kisses her baby
in the bus.
love in the city.
08/11/2008
**********
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 )
Okay, the haiku didn't do too well, nobody voted for it. :) But I am posting it anyway, since I am running out of words.
photo by Kettu
image from morguefile.com
autumn
falling autumn leaves.
an old man dozes
on a park bench.
And another one I didn't send in..
a mother kisses her baby
in the bus.
love in the city.
08/11/2008
**********
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 )
posted by dsnake1 at 12:09 AM
8 Comments:
love them both! so evocative and tneder in their own ways! lovely!
thanks, magiceye!
i thought the one i sent in was quite ok, but.. :)
Cheong,
I admit to not recalling your poem from the kukai.
My guess at why it wasn't recognized is, primarily, its triteness. That is, the juxtaposition between leaves and age is obvious and has been exhausted in haiku.
Additionally, the word 'autumn' is unnecessary as "falling leaves" tells us it's autumn. Haiku is the the epitome of poetic brevity, no?
Wishing you health and joy. I look forward to following your poetry here and in the kukai.
Aloha,
josh
josh,
thank you for your comments.
now i know where the problem is. there is still so much to learn. :)
Hi,
I especially like the first one. So many times I've seen someone dozing on a park bench. That evoked a strong image for me.
xxoo,
gel
GEL,
thank you!
the authorities over here do not encourage dozing on park benches. :)
both of these are beautiful! when I have more time I'm coming back to read the story...
Thank you, Andrew!
I am quite busy too, with work in the office. It's the year end, and people are clearing their annual leave.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to you!
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