another day
There comes a time when you have no good words for anything. Working through the weekends makes it worse. :)
photo by kevin rosseel
image from morguefile
another day
you silence the alarm clock,
looking at the still
dark dawn outside,
wondering
if you will make it
through another day
and why not, as you sit
by the edge of the bed
answering
your own questions,
how many years
have gone by like this?
you drag yourself stiffly
to the bathroom
the lights alien and harsh,
go through the rituals,
staring at the face in the mirror
mulling
how the lines have deepened,
comb what little hair
there is left
on the head, stringy & mad.
you shower, dress and pick
your combat gear
take a gulp of last night's coke,
open the door and
walk out to the colosseum,
fumbling
for a nicotine fix
to do battle with the lions
and beasts of the day,
hoping that it will be kind.
08/11/52
********
mood of the day
photo by kevin rosseel
image from morguefile
another day
you silence the alarm clock,
looking at the still
dark dawn outside,
wondering
if you will make it
through another day
and why not, as you sit
by the edge of the bed
answering
your own questions,
how many years
have gone by like this?
you drag yourself stiffly
to the bathroom
the lights alien and harsh,
go through the rituals,
staring at the face in the mirror
mulling
how the lines have deepened,
comb what little hair
there is left
on the head, stringy & mad.
you shower, dress and pick
your combat gear
take a gulp of last night's coke,
open the door and
walk out to the colosseum,
fumbling
for a nicotine fix
to do battle with the lions
and beasts of the day,
hoping that it will be kind.
08/11/52
********
mood of the day
posted by dsnake1 at 10:32 PM
27 Comments:
oh yes... some days really feel like that... you can do nothing but hope that the lions have been fed...
:D
... and caged. :)
You have perfectly captured what I have been thinking for the last few weeks. It's as if you were inside my mind!
wonderful writing--
oh yes, know that feeling, it pays me a kind visit every day
andrew,
you too? :)
"It's as if you were inside my mind!" : heh, i think most writers, esp poets, gets moody frequently..:)
raghav,
:D
Delhi or Singapore, it's the same, huh? but a daily visit...
Hey I wonder you recall how a I ...at LIP (www.livinginpoetry.blogspot.com) we had had chance to come upcloase to floot..Hope you will visit the blog and tell us how floot inspire you..
dude, just a random comment. i do not think your poetry is (at the very least) good. i do not know why you are peservering on and on and on without ever trying to sound like a REAL poet. do not feed your ego with all these 'comments from friends.' i am sure a few friends love your poetry, but sadly, i think, the rest of the world don't. So get some professional advice and just STOP writing poor excruciating poetry. cheerios!
"you drag yourself stiffly
to the bathroom
the lights alien and harsh,
go through the rituals,
staring at the face in the mirror
mulling
how the lines have deepened..."
Sigh. Why is it so hard? Why do I think dying is a better option?
bad hair day
hi nasra,
yes, i read your interview with Floots at the livinginpoetry blog. i think it's a great interview, very informative. :)
hi anonymous,
first, thanks for your comments.
i do not know what you mean by a "REAL poet". i write because i like to, that's all, and i see myself as an aspiring writer.
i don't know what pissed you off, but i will continue to write, time permitting. anyway, thanks for your comments, it does make me re-examine myself again.
gautami,
so this piece is a bit too dreary for you? :)
magiceye,
:D
Dear anonymous, kindly note that the person whom you had dissed had once won the first prize for a nation-wide poetry contest judged by professionals and, printed in a local newspaper, had half a page dedicated to his poem. Poetry is not limited to rhyming words strung together to make a poem seem interesting but in fact, makes totally no sense. If you don't already know, there are various forms of poetry. Just because you don't like his work doesn't mean that others won't. Your self-importance is stifling. Who are you? If you are a fellow poet, you have a long and arduous journey ahead before you can even produce a professional piece half as good as dsnake's for you lack the creativity, an open mind, and can't think out of the box.
if there is any element of truth in what you said keith, i supposed the competition was just a scam. i have read much of your countrymen's poetry and i have much respect for them. but this one, no.
of course i know poetry as a subject matter. i am trained with post graduate degrees in this field. i even have an MFA from a pretigious writing university from my country. don't diss me punk. don't piss on something you can't see.
dsnake1, you took my comments graciously. i respect that. that's how a writer should do it.
put these competition fervour in the dumps. write because 'you like to, that's all, and you see youself as an aspiring writer.'
uh, see yourself as ALWAYS an aspiring writer. not an accomplished one perceiving firstplaces as some mark of acheivement. good luck btw. ha! what irony.
Like I said, who are you? You're just one out of millions of poets in the world. So you have qualifications to be a poet, wowza!! I'm terribly impressed but I'd just like to mention this: Why, you're so proud of your MFA certification from a "pretigious writing university" so I don't understand why you won't name it. I wonder which "pretigious writing university" (and isn't there a proper term for such schools?) would accept a moron who can't spell and can't capitalize his sentences. Laziness is not an acceptable reason, dude. Stupidity is, though. Admit your idiocy now and I'll forgive you. Hah!
Regardlessly, I don't like the way you behave. You seem to think of yourself as a creature of a higher level with an endless amount of knowledge, like you're a real somebody, an accomplished poet which you're definitely not. The worse thing is that you think you're great if you have some qualifications to be a poet. That's real bullshit. How can qualifications ever beat experience? You're probably a young man, such naive thinking put on display. You can think the world about yourself but wait till it crashes down on you and you'll definitely realise that you aren't as good as you make yourself out to be.
His work may not be good to you, but so what? Is your opinion also the opinion of all the people of in the world? If you don't like his work, just buzz off and everything'll be fine, won't it? Why linger? You can't see the appeal of his work and that is alright. But I quote from you, "don't piss on something you can't see" so why are you doing exactly that? I'm sure you wouldn't like some random dude saying shit about your work without being able to appreciate it, won't you?
Lastly, I'd like to add that I like dsnake's works. The tones used are subtle with underlying emotions that are realistic and sometimes raw, and the urban setting, quite interesting really.
Hi guys,
i came back and saw this exchange of opinions here. it has been a long time since this blog feel such heat.
Hi keith,
thank you for your comments ( and for standing on my side.) :)
uh, is anonymous saying that our national paper organised a scam writing competition?
Hi anonymous,
you have a MFA, good for you. but frankly, i am not really impressed with all these. perhaps you can let us have a peep at some of your poetry?
i do not enter any poetry competitions that come my way. it's just a way to gauge where my poetry stands. it builds confidence in my works. if i win something, good, if not, take it as an experience, a learning curve. i do not make my living from writing, it's from technology.
you are entitled to your opinion about my works, of course. if you think that it's all crap here, you can always give this place a miss.
finally, guys, i think we need to cool down. after all, we are here because of poetry..
keith,
forgot to add this :
i am really glad you like my works. :)
do i know you from somewhere? the forums, the blogs? (you need not answer this ) :)
keith is either your rickety alter ego or some raging faggot who is in love with you.
yup, the above is a sample of my poetry. heh impromptu one at that too. i am from the iowa writers workshop class of 2005 btw. i do not like capitalizing because i do like e e cummings. keith the faggot surely like cummings too? no pun intended.
"Lastly, I'd like to add that I like dsnake's works. The tones used are subtle with underlying emotions that are realistic and sometimes raw, and the urban setting, quite interesting really."
whatever that flash harry is talking about. is that how you do some critical poetrical appreciationalism? hohoho the world surely needs critics like you. i loves dissing people off esp some foopy faggamuffins.
The untold want, by life and land ne’er granted,
Now, Voyager, sail thou forth, to seek and find.
hey anonymous,
there's no need to resort to name-calling. is this the behaviour of a MFA graduate?
if my works can distress you so much, just give this blog a miss.
man...whats wrong with the fella...? Sigh, there's no understanding why some pple are just the way they are. Never mind dsnake...just ignore, he's just a bloody waste of time.
The above discussion is problematic because a) the commenter remains anonymous (not in itself a problem) and b) throws around personal abuse rendering any point he or she might have had (the advantages and disadvantages of open critiques on blogs) completely invalid. I.e. he or she is a troll.
I would just delete all of his comments if I were you.
Anyway. The poem.
Again, it's well rendered, dsnake1, in its conversational tone. I understand you take some inspiration from Charles Bukowski? The rhythm works well and I don't think there is a word too many. As ever I have enjoyed the little details you paint and I chuckled at the stringy and mad hair :)
The only thing I am not sure about are the last three lines? Perhaps you could leave them out completely and end the poem on a note of anticipation (nicotine fix). It might make the poem also more mysterious.
But good stuff as always (and, no, I am not just being nice, honest opinion and all that).
hi EP,
i don't know what big issue he/she has had with my poems.
hi Ario
yes, i should have used the trash can earlier. :)
about Bukowski. after reading a few of his books, it's hard not to be inspired by his writings. :)
thanks for your comments. i put in the last three lines to show that there is a long hard day ahead. your suggestion makes the ending abrupt, but a different effect is achieved. certainly worth a re-look. :)
Ah, just thought I'd mention it. I personally always like it to get these little nudges in the comments. Remember a little while back you said something similar to a poem of mine which just made things click for me.
I know what you're saying about Bukoswki. I think I've almost read all by him...
Btw. Respect for letting those trolling comments stand. It's probably the best rebuttal :)
Wow. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this poem. I am not a critic. But I enjoyed my visit to this blog, and felt that what I read here was genuine.
nicotine aside
(just about the only vice i've avoided) :)
this is a page from my life
great stuff
so true
and
also amusing in a wry dry way
thank you
Ario,
you are a fan of Bukowski too? :)
hi deborah vatcher,
thanks for visiting. :)
floots,
"this is a page from my life" : definitely not from the Isle of Skye. :)
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