Night Takes
In my line of work, sometimes it entails going back to the workplace in the dead of night. It's dreary, but there are bills to pay.
Not too satisfied with this piece, finding it difficult to write this week.
image by dsnake1
Night Takes
1
When i boarded the taxi the driver
was happy that there is someone
at 2 a.m. to chat with,
and he laughed when i replied
that i was going to work.
On the dashboard was a figurine of
a roly-poly laughing buddha
and when the driver cracked a joke
about the government
the three of us laughed again
in the middle of the night.
2.
The voice at the other end of the line
was sleepy as he waited for me
to hook up the test sets to measure
the health of a data link.
I asked him why the urgency,
that it needed to interrupt my dreams,
and he said this was for an ATM machine.
i didn't buy the crap, so what, who's
gonna punch out cash in the dead of night?
3.
Thank God for 7-Elevens
when you needed a nicotine fix
at 5 a.m. in the morning.
The store clerk looked up
with undisguised disdain
when i stepped in from the warm night,
unruly hair, bloodshot eyes, bad breath.
It was not exactly friendly or inspiring,
even the door chime sounded angry.
25.11.06
********
posted by dsnake1 at 10:48 PM
12 Comments:
i like this and how the mood changes throughout the piece...
Interesting how one enjoys the company, and the last hates the interuption of their nothingness. I like it too!!
I like the changing emotions here..the subtle change..
7/11 stores have rather awful service. Even if you looked fresh, they'll still have that shitty attitude.
The poem needs polishing perhaps. I don't know: I like it. A bit of anger and snippy.
Me thinks you sound tired. Holidays are coming, taking any time off?
polona,
i tried to show how the mood changes through the 3 stanzas, so i guess it works!
thank you.
pat,
for a person driving the night shift, i think it's always welcome to see another human. :)
thanks, friend!
gautami,
thank you!
have you gone out so late before? :)
liz,
i was not too happy with the 2nd stanza, have thought of chopping it away, but then the piece will be too short.
you have an interesting observation about those convenience stores. But i have come across some who are quite friendly.
and yes, i am really tired, exhausted maybe.the past few weeks at work were bad, but the worst are over and it should be smooth sailing ahead (hopefully).
i am clearing my leave now, not going overseas, just lazing around, goofing off, :)
Yes, yes, we must all make time for goofing off. :)
The second stanza is the weakest being probably for being more prose-like than the rest. And some of the lines (the last two there) are too casual, sort of fell out of place in terms of tone with the rest of the poem.
Chopping it away would seem too drastic. I can kinda feel for you that you had to go back to work over something that could possibly wait till morning to be fixed. Then after that you'd have your smoke to end the night.
- Liz
Liz,
i knew you would find the 2nd stanza weak too. i gave up improving on it, just can't make any headway. maybe i will rewrite it, if i'm in the mood.
there are things that can be fixed the next day, but the customer is willing to pay (banks got loads of $$) and that's how it works. :)
I thought they might have people on night shift for that. I guess not.
>>i will rewrite it, if i'm in the mood.
Perhaps the next time it happens. :P Hopefully not soon. :)
cool shots of urban life
almost makes me miss it
(almost) :)
cheers
Liz,
previously there's 24hr shift, i have worked on those night shift cycles. now everywhere downsizing, the shifts are modified and i get called out if the need arises.
thankfully, it's getting less. :)
hey floots,
i'll trade your highlands anytime. :)
nice piece
the middle stanza
works really well
provides great balance
between the two other stanzas that arent as focused on the speaker and are more about the shared experience versus the probable experiecne of isolation that one might feel at an ATM that cannot provide.
isolated in our humanity when our overreliance on technology to define us is exposed
maybe it should be a photo booth . . . maybe that is another poem
hi ralph,
thanks for visiting and leaving your comments!
that's the beauty of poetry. sometimes, readers might see meanings and images that the author himself is unaware of. :)
and yes, humans have over-rely on technology in their lives. Once, one of our links to our corporate server was down, and all work grind to a halt for hours.
Post a Comment
<< Home