Sunday, March 06, 2016

i heard water rationing is around the corner

Is there such a thing as a tongue twister poem? No?





photo by dsnake1





i heard water rationing is around the corner


dry
dried

     a
     coke can
     crushed

     by

     the kerb
     side

     tires
     burning
     churning up

     dust
     dust
     dirt

       rust

     a cigarette
             butt

     flicked
     carelessly
     nonchalantly

     arcs
     tumbles
     thuds

     sparks

     on ashphalt
     &
     asphyxiated
     weeds

     pleads pleads       please

itching to start a bush war

all the while the sun unflinchingly
                                  unfriendly


10/10/15
********


at one time we had our tongues hanging out, and there was also the small matter of the haze from indonesia to contend with...







“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.



Shared on Poetry Pantry #292 at Poets United.





© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2016

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17 Comments:

Anonymous thotpurge said...

very nicely written...enjoyed this one!

06 March, 2016 21:51  
Blogger Mary said...

You made the reader really realize what a time of water rationing would feel like! The image of the cigarette butt is particularly stark!

06 March, 2016 22:32  
Blogger R.K. Garon said...

Well that was interesting and delightful. I did have to chuckle several times (in my part of the world "Kerb" is spelled "curb" hehe)
I do like your style, as always.
ZQ

06 March, 2016 22:35  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thotpurge,

thank you, glad you enjoyed it, :)


Mary,

i did?
i think the very short lines help, like drips of water. :)
some of the grassland fires were started by carelessly tossed butts, according to the fire service.


ZQ,

i was schooled in the Brits' English but sometimes i do have an identity crisis and the US English sneaks into my writings. :D

06 March, 2016 23:01  
Blogger Sanaa Rizvi said...

I love the way you composed this poem :D inspired -

Lots of love,
Sanaa

07 March, 2016 00:21  
Blogger brudberg said...

If it's very hot or very cold, your word comes out in gasps... you really made that work with those short lines. Love the grit here.

07 March, 2016 00:56  
Blogger Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is cleverly written. Your footnote about the heat and the haze from Indonesia is alarming.......here comes another blazing hot summer.

07 March, 2016 01:23  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is very clever. Especially what you did with the indentations and the way they line up. Lots of very smart hidden meanings. I enjoyed this.

07 March, 2016 01:57  
Blogger Wendy Bourke said...

I thought the short lines of the piece - juxtaposed against the much longer (day-of-reckoning rumor) title - were very effective ... much like the last sputters, drying up and eking out. Awesome writing!

07 March, 2016 09:23  
Blogger Luk Lei said...

Brilliant Structure! The formating is as stark as the images set by the words.

07 March, 2016 11:48  
Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

A fantastic piece of writing. You handle the short words and lines as a master.

07 March, 2016 12:50  
Blogger Sumana Roy said...

a very poignant image of the parched Earth....great word painting...

07 March, 2016 13:17  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Sanaa,

thank you kindly! :)


Bjorn,

yes, the intended effect is to elicit gasps in those short words. :)


Sherry,

that was last year's Sept/Oct. the haze (smoke and ashes blowing in from indonesia's forest fires) was bad. it was a pretty hot, scorching year.
there wasn't any immediate danger of water rationing, but we never know.. :)


Anon,

is that you, Gel? :)
lots of hidden meanings, thank you!


Wendy,

i like it when someone analyse the structure of the poem. :)
i think in this case, short lines, line breaks and spaces helps in the total effect.
thank you for the comment!


Luk Lei,

ah, another 'fan' of the poem's structure. :D
thank you!


Rosemary,

you are flattering me. :D


Sumana,

'parched' is the word! i wonder if your country experiences such hot weather too.

07 March, 2016 20:26  
Blogger Jae Rose said...

Oh where to start a tongue twisting feast of a poem - i savoured every syllable..

07 March, 2016 20:41  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

i wasn't sure if there is such a genre of poetry, but now i know. :)

07 March, 2016 22:09  
Blogger Magaly Guerrero said...

"a bush war"

The poem, the quoted words in particular, left me thinking of the desolate world of Mad Max.

08 March, 2016 02:45  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Mad Max!! yes,yes! :D

08 March, 2016 20:25  

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