i heard water rationing is around the corner
Is there such a thing as a tongue twister poem? No?
photo by dsnake1
i heard water rationing is around the corner
dry
dried
a
coke can
crushed
by
the kerb
side
tires
burning
churning up
dust
dust
dirt
rust
a cigarette
butt
flicked
carelessly
nonchalantly
arcs
tumbles
thuds
sparks
on ashphalt
&
asphyxiated
weeds
pleads pleads please
itching to start a bush war
all the while the sun unflinchingly
unfriendly
10/10/15
********
at one time we had our tongues hanging out, and there was also the small matter of the haze from indonesia to contend with...
“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.
Shared on Poetry Pantry #292 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2016
i heard water rationing is around the corner
dry
dried
a
coke can
crushed
by
the kerb
side
tires
burning
churning up
dust
dust
dirt
rust
a cigarette
butt
flicked
carelessly
nonchalantly
arcs
tumbles
thuds
sparks
on ashphalt
&
asphyxiated
weeds
pleads pleads please
itching to start a bush war
all the while the sun unflinchingly
unfriendly
10/10/15
********
at one time we had our tongues hanging out, and there was also the small matter of the haze from indonesia to contend with...
“I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.
Shared on Poetry Pantry #292 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2016
Labels: environment, landscape, Poetry, Singapore, social issues, tongue twister
posted by dsnake1 at 8:48 PM
17 Comments:
very nicely written...enjoyed this one!
You made the reader really realize what a time of water rationing would feel like! The image of the cigarette butt is particularly stark!
Well that was interesting and delightful. I did have to chuckle several times (in my part of the world "Kerb" is spelled "curb" hehe)
I do like your style, as always.
ZQ
thotpurge,
thank you, glad you enjoyed it, :)
Mary,
i did?
i think the very short lines help, like drips of water. :)
some of the grassland fires were started by carelessly tossed butts, according to the fire service.
ZQ,
i was schooled in the Brits' English but sometimes i do have an identity crisis and the US English sneaks into my writings. :D
I love the way you composed this poem :D inspired -
Lots of love,
Sanaa
If it's very hot or very cold, your word comes out in gasps... you really made that work with those short lines. Love the grit here.
This is cleverly written. Your footnote about the heat and the haze from Indonesia is alarming.......here comes another blazing hot summer.
This is very clever. Especially what you did with the indentations and the way they line up. Lots of very smart hidden meanings. I enjoyed this.
I thought the short lines of the piece - juxtaposed against the much longer (day-of-reckoning rumor) title - were very effective ... much like the last sputters, drying up and eking out. Awesome writing!
Brilliant Structure! The formating is as stark as the images set by the words.
A fantastic piece of writing. You handle the short words and lines as a master.
a very poignant image of the parched Earth....great word painting...
Sanaa,
thank you kindly! :)
Bjorn,
yes, the intended effect is to elicit gasps in those short words. :)
Sherry,
that was last year's Sept/Oct. the haze (smoke and ashes blowing in from indonesia's forest fires) was bad. it was a pretty hot, scorching year.
there wasn't any immediate danger of water rationing, but we never know.. :)
Anon,
is that you, Gel? :)
lots of hidden meanings, thank you!
Wendy,
i like it when someone analyse the structure of the poem. :)
i think in this case, short lines, line breaks and spaces helps in the total effect.
thank you for the comment!
Luk Lei,
ah, another 'fan' of the poem's structure. :D
thank you!
Rosemary,
you are flattering me. :D
Sumana,
'parched' is the word! i wonder if your country experiences such hot weather too.
Oh where to start a tongue twisting feast of a poem - i savoured every syllable..
i wasn't sure if there is such a genre of poetry, but now i know. :)
"a bush war"
The poem, the quoted words in particular, left me thinking of the desolate world of Mad Max.
Mad Max!! yes,yes! :D
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