on wings
I was looking through the morguefile website and was drawn to this featured photo. I know at a moment that this must be a prompt to be attempted. Somehow, the poem wrote itself...
photo by MaryRN
image from morguefile.com
on wings
it is the evening
the edge of nightmares
the town drenching in sweat
she lines up my pencils
little thin soldiers on parade
she is a very neat person
i think we should go out
catch a movie
swig a drink
she points to her head
silly boy
vodka can't go with these
pills
pills
capsules
put down those Mills & Boons
it only swells your pain
she switches on the tv
male reader monotone
Serbs' heavy weapons pound Sarajevo
he flips page
is it raining outside?
you know, i have been dreaming
you really want to know?
doves
crows
and crows
do birds really fly
or are they lifted
by the hands of deranged gods?
she is quiet again.
i hold her hands.
they are cold.
28/01/2016
**********
"Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me."
-- Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb.
Hey, Jae Rose, this poem was partly influenced by your style, and an actual chapter in my life.. :)
Shared on Poetry Pantry #290 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2016
image from morguefile.com
on wings
it is the evening
the edge of nightmares
the town drenching in sweat
she lines up my pencils
little thin soldiers on parade
she is a very neat person
i think we should go out
catch a movie
swig a drink
she points to her head
silly boy
vodka can't go with these
pills
pills
capsules
put down those Mills & Boons
it only swells your pain
she switches on the tv
male reader monotone
Serbs' heavy weapons pound Sarajevo
he flips page
is it raining outside?
you know, i have been dreaming
you really want to know?
doves
crows
and crows
do birds really fly
or are they lifted
by the hands of deranged gods?
she is quiet again.
i hold her hands.
they are cold.
28/01/2016
**********
"Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me."
-- Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb.
Hey, Jae Rose, this poem was partly influenced by your style, and an actual chapter in my life.. :)
Shared on Poetry Pantry #290 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2016
posted by dsnake1 at 11:21 PM
15 Comments:
I love the disconnection of their conversation. It says so much about them and their world... about the possibility of "deranged [human] gods" flinging fire birds at each other.
I was gonna say it sounded a little bit like Jae... and then you write it so... I really like how you waited towards the end to give a time, and when you did my own life at that time started rolling... Wonderful piece.
Beautifully done :)
Wow, you took me right into that room and conversation. I especially love the question...do birds really fly or are they lifted by the hands of deranged gods.....and the crows........
An interesting poem...and, ha, I can see the influence of Jae Rose! I like the idea of pencils as soldiers. Good to do battle with words written rather than guns, I think. Smiles.
Brrrrr I got a familiar chill. Another one of your incredible snapshot of life/death.
ZQ
This is really good.
"it is the evening
the edge of nightmares"
"she lines up my pencils"
"she is quiet again.
i hold her hands.
they are cold."
Love those lines.
I agree with your assertion that pills don't go well with liquor. I enjoyed your spinning of various elements in your poem too. Makes for great poetry I think.
wow! this one hits really hard... loved the pink floyd quote there
"Serbs' heavy weapons pound Sarajevo" may be names of places and times have changed but the pounding game continues...sigh...
Magaly,
glad that you noticed the disconnection in the poem. i do not want to tell that the subject is in pain and semi-incoherent.
Bjorn,
it started out as some disjointed lines here and there, and i settled on 3-lines strophes. there was no intention to imitate Jae, and somehow looking at the end product, it does remind me of her style. :)
i liked the ending too, i meant it to be open.
Sanaa,
hi sunny, thank you!
Sherry,
in our culture, crows can be harbingers of ill omen. :(
Mary,
as in my reply to Bjorn's comment, it started out normally enough, but along the way perhaps the subconscious took over. :)
yes, always better to do battle with words than guns.
ZQ,
close that fridge door! :D
"incredible snapshot of life/death" : i'm flattered!
Em,
thank you for the visit! :)
James,
no, no! pills and liquor don't mix. leads to more problems. :)
SuyashJ
you are a pink floyd fan too? :)
Sumana,
this was an actual news headline from the mid 90's. thus giving a clue to the time of this narration.
yes, times have changed but the pounding game continues. :(
This certainly flows like a poem that wrote itself - a superb dynamic..and the parting line..i wonder if she is still there..if either are sharing the same time and space..are they wholly united or separated in there..i think and hope the former..
Jae, most of my personal favourites are poems "that wrote itself". the words flow effortlessly, the phrases/lines re-arrange themselves. there is little editing.
but this don't usually happens. :)
i left the ending open. let the reader figure it out himself/herself.
It's really feels worrisome...style is the subtle one, doesn't sound as poem....just life, existing in present I think is the key...ths.
this is about love and loss. and i try to structure the poem in short lines. :)
thanks for your comment, humbird!
Post a Comment
<< Home