Friday, June 03, 2011

a triolet : i thought i hear your voice in the wind

I am posting this poem for Thursday Poets' Rally Week 45.

This is an attempt to write a triolet. I am using a refrain from another poem I wrote, and try to weave that into a love story.

Seems to work if read aloud. :)





pencil sketch by dsnake1



i thought i hear your voice in the wind



i thought i hear your voice in the wind
but it was just me whispering your name.
though i have grown old and tired and bitter
i thought i hear your voice in the wind
through all the years, the static, the babble
and battles, without you, are not the same
i thought i hear your voice in the wind
but it was just me whispering your name.


05.09.07
********




© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2011

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15 Comments:

Anonymous Cindy eksuzian said...

A moment of loneliness very beautifully conveyed in poetry!

04 June, 2011 00:26  
OpenID mindlovemisery said...

I love your picture. Such a melancholy poem, I love the repeated first and last line

04 June, 2011 03:26  
Anonymous Lynne Eve Grossman said...

HI sweet Dsnake,

Ah, this tugs at my heart. Enjoyed seeing your sketch accompany it. Glad to see your still blogging. I've been gone a while, but am back to posting more often, including my artwork. I've never done a triolet. This flowed well when i read it aloud.

04 June, 2011 15:59  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops, above comment is from "gel", but i'm using my real name and have a different art blog, now.

04 June, 2011 16:00  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi Cindy,

thanks for visiting, and your kind comments. :)


hi mindlovemisery,

glad you like the sketch. :) yes, this poem is supposed to be a little melancholy.

a triolet is a structured poem, i think you can give it a try. :)


oh gel,

i am really really happy to hear from you again.:D
it's great to hear from old friends. 2 weeks ago, i heard from Liz after a long while, and today , you! what a wonderful surprise.
how have you been? i will be looking forward to reading your works again. :)

04 June, 2011 20:04  
Blogger Ravenblack said...

Definitely one to read aloud. :) The ending although is a repeat of the first two lines seems to leave an echo that feels far lonelier.

05 June, 2011 16:55  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thanks!

personally i like this refrain a lot. it's sad, yet tender.

05 June, 2011 20:36  
Blogger Paulami said...

i think what worked best was the font..which added a different thing to the poem. the poem on its own is poignant.

06 June, 2011 21:11  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

:)

i try to use a standard font, courier-new, for all my poems. i like that old world, typewriter look of it.

thanks for visiting, and your comments, Paulami.

06 June, 2011 23:57  
OpenID tallyt said...

Never heard of a triolet, but it sounds interesting enough to investigate, all because your poem was amazing. Really enjoyed it, keep it up.

11 June, 2011 03:03  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi tallyt

thanks for visiting!

you can learn more about a triolet here . and i think you will have no problems writing one. :)

11 June, 2011 21:31  
Anonymous Jay said...

Although its such a sad poem,I'm going to use the adjective "lovely" to describe the feeling that it gave me. Its so very touching and such a beautiful flow of words resonant of loneliness,nostalgia and melancholy.This is beautiful work.

13 June, 2011 14:52  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Jay!

glad you like the work. :)
i was thinking about a special person who had left me, when i wrote this piece.

13 June, 2011 20:39  
Anonymous Lynne Eve Grossman said...

Wow, you heard from Liz. I miss her! I used to have time to read and comment on every single poem she wrote. Hope she is doing well. I now have two blogs. I've added a post to my art blog that has an interesting story.

14 June, 2011 20:03  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

yes, i heard from Liz again after a long while. i missed her writings too, but now she's back and writing under "Ravenblack".

i am so glad you're also back with your artwork and your writings. :)

15 June, 2011 20:03  

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