stars
Wednesday's prompt at Poet's United was to write a fibonacci poem. I was pretty occupied at work, slogging through a week's worth of backlog after the holidays. Still, managed this effort. Something personal, a bit sad, but that's how the mind works sometimes...
photo by krosseel
image from morguefile.com
stars
you
said
our hearts
are as one
till the end of time
to the edge of the universe
but you left too soon for the stars
and all i can do
is to grasp
the dark
night
sky
23/02/2013
**********
"Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
-- John Lennon
Shared on Poetry Pantry #139 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013
photo by krosseel
image from morguefile.com
stars
you
said
our hearts
are as one
till the end of time
to the edge of the universe
but you left too soon for the stars
and all i can do
is to grasp
the dark
night
sky
23/02/2013
**********
"Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
-- John Lennon
Shared on Poetry Pantry #139 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013
Labels: loss, lovesongs, Poetic forms, Poetry, Poets United
posted by dsnake1 at 9:12 PM
15 Comments:
Oh, your poem is so very good....and so very sad! I think the form works well for expressing deep feeling; and THAT your poem did!
i like the feeling at the end of the universe
oh man...only the sky and no stars...felt the leaving...maybe the clouds will pass....tight little verse...
Beautiful poignant... very touching and yes, sad. Great image of the universe and stars... and being left with the night sky.
Mary,
thank you! yes, i think most people can write a fibonacci poem but to express feeling or fun or wit with this format is another challenge. :)
Mametz,
thanks for visiting! :)
Brian,
yeah, the clouds will pass. always like to hear from you, my friend. :)
Serena,
thanks! glad you liked the imagery. :)
So sad and so universal. This really touches my heart.
thank you, Judy. :)
Interesting effect how the poem uplifts and then in the end there's a feeling of being grounded.
Always wonderful to visit. :)
i am glad you noticed it, Liz. :)
Beautiful, if sad, words.
thank you, Anthony. :)
You did a fabulous job with this prompt. Not only did you honor the form, but you also told a story of depth and intensity with brevity and respect. Really well done.
thank you, Kim. :)
usually i write free verse, but i find structured poetry to be challenging too. i have yet to write a good sonnet. :)
You made a beautiful poem with this form! It transcends the form, which I think is quite a feat when the form is fibonacci. :)
thank you, Rosemary!
this is quite a compliment. :)
i am quite particular about the 'look' of a poem, more so if it's structured poetry.
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