Sunday, February 24, 2013

stars

Wednesday's prompt at Poet's United was to write a fibonacci poem. I was pretty occupied at work, slogging through a week's worth of backlog after the holidays. Still, managed this effort. Something personal, a bit sad, but that's how the mind works sometimes...





photo by krosseel
image from morguefile.com




stars



you
said
our hearts
are as one
till the end of time
to the edge of the universe

but you left too soon for the stars
and all i can do
is to grasp
the dark
night
sky



23/02/2013
**********







"Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."

-- John Lennon



Shared on Poetry Pantry #139 at Poets United.






© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013

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15 Comments:

Blogger Mary said...

Oh, your poem is so very good....and so very sad! I think the form works well for expressing deep feeling; and THAT your poem did!

24 February, 2013 22:01  
Blogger Mametz said...

i like the feeling at the end of the universe

24 February, 2013 23:20  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

oh man...only the sky and no stars...felt the leaving...maybe the clouds will pass....tight little verse...

24 February, 2013 23:41  
Blogger Serena Helriot said...

Beautiful poignant... very touching and yes, sad. Great image of the universe and stars... and being left with the night sky.

25 February, 2013 02:09  
Blogger dsnake1 said...


Mary,

thank you! yes, i think most people can write a fibonacci poem but to express feeling or fun or wit with this format is another challenge. :)


Mametz,

thanks for visiting! :)


Brian,

yeah, the clouds will pass. always like to hear from you, my friend. :)


Serena,

thanks! glad you liked the imagery. :)






25 February, 2013 07:13  
Blogger Judy Roney said...

So sad and so universal. This really touches my heart.

25 February, 2013 08:19  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Judy. :)

25 February, 2013 09:29  
Anonymous Ravenblack said...

Interesting effect how the poem uplifts and then in the end there's a feeling of being grounded.

Always wonderful to visit. :)

25 February, 2013 15:29  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

i am glad you noticed it, Liz. :)

25 February, 2013 20:05  
Blogger anthonynorth said...

Beautiful, if sad, words.

25 February, 2013 23:12  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Anthony. :)

25 February, 2013 23:37  
Blogger Kim Nelson said...

You did a fabulous job with this prompt. Not only did you honor the form, but you also told a story of depth and intensity with brevity and respect. Really well done.

26 February, 2013 01:47  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Kim. :)

usually i write free verse, but i find structured poetry to be challenging too. i have yet to write a good sonnet. :)

26 February, 2013 21:03  
Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

You made a beautiful poem with this form! It transcends the form, which I think is quite a feat when the form is fibonacci. :)

27 February, 2013 05:43  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Rosemary!

this is quite a compliment. :)
i am quite particular about the 'look' of a poem, more so if it's structured poetry.

27 February, 2013 22:38  

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