Sunday, October 25, 2015

mother (it's about not giving up)

I cannot forget the day I lost my mother. I was in the ambulance with her, holding her hand, and all I was feeling was just helplessness...





photo by arvydas
image from morguefile




mother (it's about not giving up)





mother,
there is pain
in your eyes
hold my hands
hold me tight

outside this
ambulance
in the
rain drenched
streets

the heartlands
the city
a world going
about
its living

which you are
leaving

the pathetic wail
of the sirens
drowned out
by the babel
of the evening

rush hour
the wipers groaning
on windscreens
tail-lights red
in the rain

make way you bastards
my mother is dying

i could not
look at her
lest she sees
the tears welling
the fear

in my eyes
my mother is dying
and yet all
i am thinking
are the numerals

stenciled on
the oxygen tank
and all the while
the night
is still raining,

the rain drops
splattering
scattering
on the windows
the air in the cabin

suddenly
very cold

and still
she was
holding on
fighting

while i
all weak
was about to
give up.


written 10.05.2013
revised 09.03.2014
******************







“You don't know who is important to you until you actually lose them.”

Mahatma Gandhi






©cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2015

Labels: , , , , , ,

20 Comments:

OpenID thotpurge said...

Beautifully written...very moving.

25 October, 2015 23:05  
Blogger Rachel Gloria Mayer Walsh Schapiro said...

sadness overcome joy when you skip down the road , only pause at times.

25 October, 2015 23:06  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thotpurge,

thank you! :)


Rachel,

thanks for visiting! :)

25 October, 2015 23:22  
Blogger brudberg said...

The detail of the numeral of the oxygen tank made it so much more human... no guilt in having to focus on such a detail at a trying moment.. a very moving piece.

25 October, 2015 23:44  
Blogger Sanaa Rizvi said...

Brought tears to my eyes.. deeply sorry for your loss. Wish you patience and perseverance.
Well penned.

26 October, 2015 00:51  
Blogger Sherry Blue Sky said...

A powerful write, my friend. It reminds me of the night my mother died, walking out of the hospital into a world that no longer had her in it. How strange it felt. Your mother tried hard to stay for you........lovely that you were there holding her hand at such a time.

26 October, 2015 02:39  
Blogger Stacy Lynn Mar said...

so beautiful, hits your right in the gut.
lovely work, thanks for sharing.

26 October, 2015 02:48  
Blogger De said...

Oh, man. This is heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing such a painful memory, so beautifully.

26 October, 2015 03:00  
Blogger R.K. Garon said...

Yes, peace at last for us all. Well written.
ZQ

26 October, 2015 03:30  
Anonymous Donna@LivingFromHappiness said...

It is the most heartfelt grief when we are on the verge of losing a parent....someone who means so much to us. I am dealing with my mother's failing health and I am frozen in my fear many days.....very moving.

26 October, 2015 05:36  
Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I was with my mother as she died - in a nursing hime bed, not an ambulance. Still it was the most confronting experience of my life, for which I was awkward and unprepared.

26 October, 2015 08:05  
Blogger Mary said...

An amazing poem really. You captured the painfulness of your experience in a very poignant way. I was especially struck by the part where you said she was still fighting and you were about to give up. Poems like this one make me realize why I enjoy my 'job' at Poets United. Thanks for sharing this very personal experience with us.

26 October, 2015 09:14  
Blogger Toni Spencer said...

what a moving and truly visceral poem.

26 October, 2015 10:42  
Blogger Benji Barratt Clark Twohill Sullivan said...

sad,
bless you,
very moving imagery.

26 October, 2015 10:44  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Bjorn,

yes, i find it a strange action to do. maybe my mind just "jammed" at that time, or i was in denial.


Sanaa,

that happened more than 15 years ago, so yeah, i am okay now. yesterday happened to be her death anniversary and i thought i would post it.


Sherry,

it's a strange feeling, it goes beyond grief. even relief, that she suffers no more.


Stacy,

thank you!


De,

thanks for visiting.


ZQ,

in a way, yes. peace at last for all.


Donna,

mothers are always special people. it means so much for us. the thought of losing them holds much fear itself.
thanks for your comment!


Rosemary,

because we do not want it to happen, i guess we are always unprepared for this.


Mary,

thanks for the thoughtful comment.
i think she was fighting hard to have a last look at my sisters. but it was not to be. i was just feeling utterly useless.


Toni,

thanks for the visit!


Benji,

thank you!

26 October, 2015 20:45  
Blogger Jae Rose said...

The world can feel so very loud and heartless in these sacred moments that change our lives forever..i think focusing on those small details..the numerals are an admirable way to cope..a powerful and touching poem..and we must always try to never give up

26 October, 2015 20:46  
Blogger humbird said...

Oh, it's so heartbreaking...all this babel at the bg. while the last min. of life...and helplessness...hugs

26 October, 2015 21:52  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Jae,

you nailed that moment and feelings perfectly with your words. yes, the world can feel so heartless & cold at such moments.
really appreciate your comments. :)


humbird,

thanks for the hugs. :)

26 October, 2015 23:12  
Blogger Susan said...

You took me there with you, into the moment you may relive again and again. What a ride. The rain, at least, was sympathetic, while neither the loud world nor you could prevent her leaving. Lots of hugs. Thank you for depicting this sacred moment in a breathless poem for us.

27 October, 2015 07:00  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

yes, i may relive that moment again and again, because i know i could not do anything to prevent her from leaving. sometimes, it seems, even the heavens cry on such moments.
thank you Susan, for your comments.

27 October, 2015 20:32  

Post a Comment

<< Home