not off to a good start
Playing with strikethroughs. I think it's quite fun.
photo by krosseel
image from morguefile.com
not off to a good start
when mother came to send me off on my first day of thens army enlistment, she was almost crying. i said, "don't worry, i promise to write dun worry lah, i will call back, okay?". i heard you have to wait ages maybe an hour or so for your turn at the only payphone in the camp, and then to utter a few words like "the food sucks" or "you won't recognize your son, me." that might worry her a bit majorly but it was the truth.
"take thatfucking pendant off your neck, yelled the sergeant on the first day. "but sir, my mother gave it to me as a good luck charm". "take that fucking pendant off before i wring your neck" yelled that fucking sarge again, obviously not charmed. and i had to take that fucking pendant off. it wasn't going off to a good start.
16/08/2015
**********
Army storeman : Did the uniform fit you ?
Soldier : The shirt is ok, but the pants are a bit loose around the armpits.
-- Totally Useless Stuff
Shared on Poetry Pantry #265 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2015
image from morguefile.com
not off to a good start
when mother came to send me off on my first day of the
"take that
16/08/2015
**********
Army storeman : Did the uniform fit you ?
Soldier : The shirt is ok, but the pants are a bit loose around the armpits.
-- Totally Useless Stuff
Shared on Poetry Pantry #265 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2015
Labels: Humour, national service, Singapore
posted by dsnake1 at 9:09 PM
17 Comments:
I can imagine how a mother must feel after sending her son off to the army.
Quite a moving poem. Beautifully executed.
the scratches make this even better
ouch..so much hurt at the start....nice lines, you took us to the scene straight away....
Ouch.. To have to go to service can be quite an ordeal.. But for me it was just a game, sounds like a whole lot more serious for you my friend,
Loose around the arm pits . Ha
Yeah you have a new family when you join up and new rules
Fun work with the strike throughs
it's a tough experience but the last line sets a funny remark.
I enjoy playing with strikethroughs too. Enjoyed seeing your use of "lah" here. Ah, Singlish. I miss hearing it ;-)
This was fun and interesting....I bet we all have an interesting story to strikethrough!
LOL, this made me smile, especially the pants around the armpits!
Perhaps the message is....some days are like that! Smiles.
first day is always the hardest but despite of this i like the humor here. the crossed-out words are used properly and i think they were necessary
Sanaa,
i guess it's the same universally. all mothers will feel worried when their sons enlist in a military.
SuyashJ
thank you! the strikethroughs are supposed to tell the reader what the writer originally thought or wrote. :)
Sumana,
thank you! the part with the sergeant hurts more. :D
Bjorn,
oh yes, the brass was very big on discipline then, to show who's in charge. i heard it's much more relaxed now.
X,
:)
and gotta start adjusting to those rules!
Natasa,
tough, but to think back, quite fun too, as we were always trying to outwit the superiors. :)
CC,
so, missing singlish already meh? :)
Donna,
i was thinking of something to write, and strikethroughs came to mind, and then i was thinking about my time in the army (thanks to the last post), and the write was quite fun. :)
Sherry,
i thought i would include this joke from my old website. :)
Mary,
spot on! you're a genius!:)
totomai,
thank you! glad you liked the humor here. :)
yeah, about those crossed out words, a lot of thought went into them. as i mentioned earlier, it's supposed to reflect the writer's original thoughts. :)
Enjoyed the imagery here. Liked how we were brought into the story. I also enjoyed the differences of the two moments and the humor that fell nicely into place. Very nicely written!
Haha... you're in rare form...
ZQ
Torie,
i took a very short while to write this piece, it seems it turned out quite well. :)
ZQ,
my muse must had been drinking. :)
Well written, fits the stories people tell very well.
thank you, G L!
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