Sunday, September 23, 2012

home

I wrote this in response to comments and suggestions on my poem, "spectator", given by a poet friend. I had a re-look and see if I can edit it, or improve on it. The result is somewhat different from the original, but both are inspired by quieter moments while serving in the military.





photo by dsnake1




home




what can be seen then
when we have returned
our arms for the night
our backs against
the weathered boards
of our barracks
as we slowly savoured
every wisp of
cigarette smoke
(and some had more
than just tobacco)
our fatigues unbuttoned
boots unlaced,
removed
as we flicked butts
towards the perimeter fence
towards the concertina
razors
that are protecting us
keeping us in

what can be seen then
an evening sky
blushing red
the colour of
muzzle flashes
red tracers
clouds stretched thin
like oily gunsmoke
and a scimitar moon
unsheathing
and then
through the thousands
of kilometres

the faces of
girl friends
wives
& children
waiting
for their daddies
to return

home.



23/09/2012
**********







I am posting this for Poets Rally Week 73 at Hyde Park Poetry.







©cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2011

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12 Comments:

Blogger Kimolisa said...

great imagery, definitely pulled me. Thanks for sharing.

24 September, 2012 08:14  
Blogger Morton Monica Evans said...

a beautiful return to home in homely senses.

Happy Rally.

24 September, 2012 21:22  
Anonymous Aya Wilson said...

enjoyed what you have offered, love the home title.

24 September, 2012 21:22  
Anonymous dsnake1 said...

Kimolisa,

Thanks for the visit and comments. :)


Morton Monica,

Thank you!:)


Aya,

Thanks for your comments. so the poem works. :)

24 September, 2012 23:43  
Blogger Nancy Perazil Federle said...

handsome work.

25 September, 2012 03:47  
Anonymous dsnake1 said...

thank you, Nancy. :)

25 September, 2012 22:19  
Blogger magiceye said...

Superb imagery and image! Loved it!

26 September, 2012 09:29  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you,magiceye. :)

26 September, 2012 23:31  
Blogger Helen Rice Obama said...

relaxing read.
home is the beautiful theme everyone feels but not being able to write about or share.

thanks for the touches.

28 September, 2012 02:15  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Helen.

yes, "home" is a beautiful theme to write about, but is not always easy. :)

28 September, 2012 11:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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20 October, 2012 13:52  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thanks, Anon, for your comments. :)

21 October, 2012 07:35  

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