Thursday, May 05, 2011

by the day's light

This is for Thursdays Poets’ Rally Week 43 and is an attempt to write a quatrain. Is it a story of unceasing love or is it a spooky tale?


Here is a song to go with it. Procol Harum's A Whiter Shade Of Pale




photo by pbrownell16
image from morguefile.com




by the day's light



we watch from the breakwater the passing of the night
her hands, her cheeks, pale as alabaster, are deathly cold
soon, through those grey clouds, will pass dawn's crimson light
and like so many nights before, reluctantly,i have to let her go.


20/11/10
********


Sorry about the font size and formatting. I tried to squeeze the words into 4 lines, and may have messed it up.:)



© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2011

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24 Comments:

OpenID sugaryichigo said...

I'm leaning more towards the love story. A creepy kind of love perhaps. :)

06 May, 2011 01:22  
Blogger Jingle said...

good try,
it is awesome.
keep it up.

Happy Rally.

06 May, 2011 01:55  
Anonymous jcahrens said...

Story of love lost, of letting go?
I really enjoyed it. I am a fan of prose.

Good job!

06 May, 2011 05:09  
Blogger K McGee said...

Beautiful images.

06 May, 2011 06:54  
Blogger Jessica Prescott said...

It certainly could be a ghost love story. Very cool.

06 May, 2011 08:19  
OpenID newtha said...

beautiful, indeed!
:)

06 May, 2011 15:15  
Blogger Jingle said...

this is stunning..

sorry for missing your entry.

have fun.

07 May, 2011 03:16  
Blogger Lu Ann said...

Wow, sounds hard to do.

Well put :) I liked it.

Happy Rally!

07 May, 2011 11:13  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi sugaryichigo,

haha,"creepy kind of love"? i guess the poem works. :)


hi Jingle,

thanks for your kind words. :)


hi jcahrens,

i wrote this for the reader to decide. thanks for visiting, :)


hi K McGee,

thank you!


hi Jessica,

yes, it could be. it was inspired in part by a movie, "A Chinese Ghost Story".:)


hi newtha,

thank you!


hi Lu Ann,

thanks! i think you will have no problem writing a quatrain, after seeing your works. :)

07 May, 2011 23:46  
Anonymous Jay said...

My kind of love story.Dark and romantic and definitely alluring.Great economy of words.Loved it! :)

08 May, 2011 06:17  
Blogger The Reason You Come said...

This is both beautiful and painful. It's also romantic in its sadness.

08 May, 2011 10:15  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi Jay,

thank you! glad you like the poem. :)


hi The Reason you Come,

thanks for visiting! not many people will describe this piece as "painful", but you hit it right as it is also about loss.

08 May, 2011 22:47  
Anonymous Liz Lim said...

Hey dsnake, sorry I haven't visited for a long time. Glad to see you're still writing beautiful words.

will you be going for GPA 2011?

- Liz

11 May, 2011 14:17  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hey Liz!

what a pleasant surprise! long time no see. :)

i didn't know there's a GPA 2011. :)
it may be a bit late to enter the competition now, guess i am giving it a miss. i hope you are submitting some entries.

i heard there's a project by SMRT to showcase local poets' works in the trains (in the 4 languages, of course). i may give it a try. not bad to read your own words while traveling to work. :)

thanks for visiting!

11 May, 2011 20:23  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi Liz,

i just returned from Gilbert's blog and found some info about GPA 2011. last day of submission is 30 june and that leaves me about a month & a half to come up with something. i may be reviewing the options, but the work in the office is crazy. :)

11 May, 2011 20:35  
Anonymous Liz Lim said...

Dsnake

If I can come up with five fresh works, maybe I'll submit them, that is if i think they are passably good. :P Truth is I've been out of touch with poetry for a while and recently (suddenly) got a bit of craving for verse. And I know I can always come here for some good verse.

I hope you do it, because I think you can win.

- Liz

12 May, 2011 10:25  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Liz, welcome back, it's good you still have a craving for verse. for the GPA, if you think what you have written is good enough, submit them. i think you are still good with your poetry. :)

i am really not too sure if i can write something passable in one and a half months. first i have to find a theme (i am thinking about my NS years) and then to actually write the stuff.

heh, so you think i have a chance of winning it? thanks! but i think the judging will still favour the younger writers. just my opinion. :)

what i like to see is not the standard blah letter you get when your entry is "rejected". maybe the judges should add some comments like whether your entry is shortlisted, and a short critique of your work. but i guess i am asking for too much. :)

12 May, 2011 20:21  
Blogger Olivia said...

Awesome!
Very well attempted.. :)

Hugs xox

14 May, 2011 13:37  
OpenID mindlovemisery said...

Heart-wrenching, lovely

14 May, 2011 14:08  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hi Olivia and mindlovemisery,

thank you for your kind comments!

14 May, 2011 20:51  
Blogger magiceye said...

c'est la vie!

18 May, 2011 00:30  
Blogger Liz said...

I like this very much. It is well written and I did not see issues with formatting as you mentioned. The coldness, the alabaster ... I actually felt the coolness.

18 May, 2011 02:34  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hey magiceye,

it's great to hear from you!


hi Liz,

thanks for visiting, and i am glad you like the poem.:)

i have manually adjusted the font size to fit neatly, so yes, there's no more formatting issues, as you have have noticed. :)

18 May, 2011 19:25  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

>> Liz Lim has left a comment on 12 May 2011 at 10:25, which was gobbled up by Blogger. She wrote : >>>

Dsnake

If I can come up with five fresh works, maybe I'll submit them, that is if i think they are passably good. :P Truth is I've been out of touch with poetry for a while and recently (suddenly) got a bit of craving for verse. And I know I can always come here for some good verse.

I hope you do it, because I think you can win.

- Liz


>>> And my reply on 12 May 2011, at 20:21 hrs >>>

Liz, welcome back, it's good you still have a craving for verse. for the GPA, if you think what you have written is good enough, submit them. i think you are still good with your poetry. :)

i am really not too sure if i can write something passable in one and a half months. first i have to find a theme (i am thinking about my NS years) and then to actually write the stuff.

heh, so you think i have a chance of winning it? thanks! but i think the judging will still favour the younger writers. just my opinion. :)

what i like to see is not the standard blah letter you get when your entry is "rejected". maybe the judges should add some comments like whether your entry is shortlisted, and a short critique of your work. but i guess i am asking for too much. :)

18 May, 2011 20:49  

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