Sunday, November 28, 2021

such

the seven sisters, they shine so brightly
oh, but look again, one is still shy.



pen & water colour sketch by dsnake1



such


such is the void i wander
shaking with grief on cold nights
shards still pierce the heart lightly
sweet persimmons thick with ash
softly sits on her altar
summer's gone with her passing
she takes her place in the stars.


12/11/2021
**********




Shared on Friday Writings #4, where the prompt was to write about pain, psychological or physical.





Pleiades is a poetic form invented in 1999 by Craig Tigerman.

There is only one word allowed in the title.
The poem is followed by a single seven-line stanza.
The first word in each line begins with the same letter as the title.
There is an added requirement of restricting the line length to six syllables, but that is optional. In my poem, I used seven syllables in each stanza

The Pleiades is a star cluster in the constellation Taurus. The ancients named these stars the seven sisters: Alcyone, Asterope, Celaeno, Electra, Maia, Merope, and Tygeta.

The poetic form The Pleiades is aptly named: the seven lines can be said to represent the seven sisters, and the six syllables represent the nearly invisible nature of one sister.






© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2021

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21 Comments:

Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I always like to learn new forms – and this is such a delicately beautiful example of the Pleiades form that until I read your notes I didn't even notice that each line began with the same letter or that each line had the same number of syllables – it just all appeared organically complete and right.


I just read the same word, 'shard', in Rommy's poem about grief. So apt in both instances.

28 November, 2021 04:22  
Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I forgot to say how much I always enjoy your art work too.

28 November, 2021 04:23  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Rosemary,

Thank you!
I have learned of the form some time back, and only decided to give it a try now.
yes, it is quite hard to get it all right.
The artwork, I like it too. :)

28 November, 2021 07:53  
Blogger Magaly Guerrero said...

Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. The pain of loss is often one of the most cutting, and it rarely ever goes away. But there is some solace in the thought that the one we loved finds their place in the stars... in paradise... in our memories and hearts.

28 November, 2021 08:08  
Blogger Jenna said...

Beautiful Pleiades poem. :)

28 November, 2021 08:36  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi DS, I like this form. Like the Haiku and Senryu, seems you might stack several of these to make a longer poem. Just to be pure in syllable count, I would remove the word "the" from the third line. I like to play with syllable count, I vary from four to sometimes over ten.
..

28 November, 2021 12:34  
Blogger Ornery Owl of Naughty Netherworld Press and Readers Roost (Not Charlotte) said...

I love your artwork. The poem is also very beautiful.

28 November, 2021 13:40  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Magaly,

Thank you!
the pain of loss always comes back to remind you, and only the beautiful memories of them keeps one going..


Jenna,

Thank you! :)


Jim,

Oh, i exceeded a count there? thanks for pointing that out. :)
playing with syllable count is good, it can make that poem more compact, and fun to read.
the Pleiades, however is only a single stanza poem.

28 November, 2021 16:05  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Ornery Owl,

Thank you!
i like the sketch too, because i haven't used water colours for some time. :)

28 November, 2021 16:32  
Blogger Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Re Jim's comment, 'quietly' is usually counted as three syllables; you might have been treating it as two. I don't know that taking out 'the' is the best solution however.

28 November, 2021 21:25  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Rosemary,

That's what I like about this, a discussion to make a poem that little bit much better. In this case a parameter is breeched.
I can take out the 'still', but the word describes the event is still happening at times, and I would like to keep it.
I am thinking of of replacing quietly with 'keenly' or 'sorely' or 'lightly'. 'lightly' is the word closer to 'quietly' in this case. The first two can be used too, but the context of the line will be different, but I think will not affect the whole tone of the poem.

What do you think of the suggestion?
Many thanks! 😀

28 November, 2021 23:55  
Blogger Lori said...

Absolutely lovely, both words and artwork. I didn't know about this poetic form. You have rendered it beautifully as I too didn't notice each line started with the same letter. As a daughter of a mother with multiple sisters with daughters, you'd think you wouldn't notice if one of us was missing but their absence is always felt.

29 November, 2021 04:16  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Thank you, Lori.
You are right about that someone's absence. It will always be felt.

29 November, 2021 10:49  
Blogger rallentanda said...

Thank you for the intro to the form. Love the form the words and the artwork. Jackpot!

29 November, 2021 12:23  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Ka-ching!

Thank you, Rall!
it's an elegant form all right. :)

29 November, 2021 14:21  
Blogger J M Beames said...

Whenever I read the word "Pleiades" I think of the King's X song from the same title, now I can associate it with another form. Thank you for sharing
I like how this ends - "she takes her place in the stars."

29 November, 2021 22:50  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Thank you, J M, for pointing me to the King's X song. I have not heard of this band until you pointed it out to me. I went over to youtube and listened to their song "Pleiades". I will be exploring more of their songs. :)

I like the ending too. I have always pictured her up there looking after me.

29 November, 2021 23:33  
Blogger ashok said...

Lovely painting!

05 December, 2021 00:42  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Thank you, Ashok! :)

05 December, 2021 01:22  
Blogger magiceye said...

Brilliant!

07 December, 2021 16:18  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Thank you, magiceye! :)

07 December, 2021 20:59  

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