Sunday, August 16, 2015

not off to a good start

Playing with strikethroughs. I think it's quite fun.





photo by krosseel
image from morguefile.com



not off to a good start




when mother came to send me off on my first day of the ns army enlistment, she was almost crying. i said, "don't worry, i promise to write dun worry lah, i will call back, okay?". i heard you have to wait ages maybe an hour or so for your turn at the only payphone in the camp, and then to utter a few words like "the food sucks" or "you won't recognize your son, me." that might worry her a bit majorly but it was the truth.

"take that fucking pendant off your neck, yelled the sergeant on the first day. "but sir, my mother gave it to me as a good luck charm". "take that fucking pendant off before i wring your neck" yelled that fucking sarge again, obviously not charmed. and i had to take that fucking pendant off. it wasn't going off to a good start.



16/08/2015
**********





Army storeman : Did the uniform fit you ?
Soldier : The shirt is ok, but the pants are a bit loose around the armpits.

-- Totally Useless Stuff



Shared on Poetry Pantry #265 at Poets United.





© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2015

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17 Comments:

Blogger Sanaa Rizvi said...

I can imagine how a mother must feel after sending her son off to the army.
Quite a moving poem. Beautifully executed.

16 August, 2015 21:47  
Blogger SuyashJ said...

the scratches make this even better

16 August, 2015 22:39  
Blogger Sumana Roy said...

ouch..so much hurt at the start....nice lines, you took us to the scene straight away....

16 August, 2015 22:44  
Blogger brudberg said...

Ouch.. To have to go to service can be quite an ordeal.. But for me it was just a game, sounds like a whole lot more serious for you my friend,

16 August, 2015 23:33  
Blogger X said...

Loose around the arm pits . Ha
Yeah you have a new family when you join up and new rules
Fun work with the strike throughs

17 August, 2015 01:04  
Blogger Nataša Dolenc said...

it's a tough experience but the last line sets a funny remark.

17 August, 2015 01:07  
Blogger C.C. said...

I enjoy playing with strikethroughs too. Enjoyed seeing your use of "lah" here. Ah, Singlish. I miss hearing it ;-)

17 August, 2015 02:29  
Anonymous Donna@LivingFromHappiness said...

This was fun and interesting....I bet we all have an interesting story to strikethrough!

17 August, 2015 04:19  
Blogger Sherry Blue Sky said...

LOL, this made me smile, especially the pants around the armpits!

17 August, 2015 05:10  
Blogger Mary said...

Perhaps the message is....some days are like that! Smiles.

17 August, 2015 06:09  
Blogger totomai said...

first day is always the hardest but despite of this i like the humor here. the crossed-out words are used properly and i think they were necessary

17 August, 2015 17:01  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Sanaa,

i guess it's the same universally. all mothers will feel worried when their sons enlist in a military.


SuyashJ

thank you! the strikethroughs are supposed to tell the reader what the writer originally thought or wrote. :)


Sumana,

thank you! the part with the sergeant hurts more. :D


Bjorn,

oh yes, the brass was very big on discipline then, to show who's in charge. i heard it's much more relaxed now.


X,

:)
and gotta start adjusting to those rules!


Natasa,

tough, but to think back, quite fun too, as we were always trying to outwit the superiors. :)


CC,

so, missing singlish already meh? :)


Donna,

i was thinking of something to write, and strikethroughs came to mind, and then i was thinking about my time in the army (thanks to the last post), and the write was quite fun. :)


Sherry,

i thought i would include this joke from my old website. :)


Mary,

spot on! you're a genius!:)


totomai,

thank you! glad you liked the humor here. :)
yeah, about those crossed out words, a lot of thought went into them. as i mentioned earlier, it's supposed to reflect the writer's original thoughts. :)

17 August, 2015 22:00  
Blogger Torie said...

Enjoyed the imagery here. Liked how we were brought into the story. I also enjoyed the differences of the two moments and the humor that fell nicely into place. Very nicely written!

18 August, 2015 22:50  
Blogger R.K. Garon said...

Haha... you're in rare form...
ZQ

19 August, 2015 01:32  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

Torie,

i took a very short while to write this piece, it seems it turned out quite well. :)


ZQ,

my muse must had been drinking. :)

19 August, 2015 20:13  
Blogger G L Meisner said...

Well written, fits the stories people tell very well.

19 August, 2015 20:44  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, G L!

20 August, 2015 20:12  

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