november rains
Took out an old draft, did some tidying up, and here it is. November is usually a very rainy month here.
image by dsnake1, done with pencilmadness
november rains
today
it is raining in the city
an incessant tirade
the rain coming
down in
flights of
needles
ricocheting
off the metal
roofs of the vans
like gunfire as i sit
in the hoist bay
waiting
waiting
among the cold carcasses
of computers and cables
and wooden crates,
chain-smoking
watching
the flicked
cigarette butts
arc into the rain to die
even as the magpies
flapped in
from the storm
hop around my feet
unafraid
written : 11/11/2010
revised : 30/11/2013
"and i
shelter
in the dark
like bats
seeking
moonlight
waiting"
-- dsnake1, after a rain.
Shared on Poetry Pantry #179 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013
november rains
today
it is raining in the city
an incessant tirade
the rain coming
down in
flights of
needles
ricocheting
off the metal
roofs of the vans
like gunfire as i sit
in the hoist bay
waiting
waiting
among the cold carcasses
of computers and cables
and wooden crates,
chain-smoking
watching
the flicked
cigarette butts
arc into the rain to die
even as the magpies
flapped in
from the storm
hop around my feet
unafraid
written : 11/11/2010
revised : 30/11/2013
"and i
shelter
in the dark
like bats
seeking
moonlight
waiting"
-- dsnake1, after a rain.
Shared on Poetry Pantry #179 at Poets United.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013
Labels: landscape, mindscape, mood, Poetry, rain, solitude, urban
posted by dsnake1 at 11:39 PM
16 Comments:
There is talent in that Spirit that wanders over these lines. Well done...City boy :-D
Rain has always been an emotional juxtaposition for interpretation from "cleansing" to "drowning"
Excellent picture both in color and in words. ZQ
ha. very cool..i love details...that last bit in particular...the magpies in from the storm dancing around your feet...and the arcs of the cigarette butts...writing too can be a lonely place or cool caresses...that is for sure
Great imagery. The ending is very smooth. Well-penned. :-)
-HA
Cheong san
enjoyed your poetry and your art; sometimes i redo works and i say to myself, still i feel i can write this better; it happens
have a nice Sunday
much love...
You make me see the poet, the stairway, the rain.......cool write!
Oh, I can really HEAR that rain. Enjoyed 'flights of needles ricocheting off the metal roofs...' Always glad to see your Sunday poem!
I loved the tempo and bleak imagery of the first poem and the step change in the second.
ZQ,
thank you for your interesting comment, and it's not just about "talent". :)
Umm, it's more city uncle than city boy (but i must still thank you), and yes, rain can be interpreted from "cleansing" to ..."drowning". now, isn't that a tad too dark. :D
Brian,
i love those details too, a bit of keen observation helps. :)
and yes, writing can be a lonely place.
HA,
thank you! :)
Gillena,
Most times, re-do works turn out better. i guess one can never be satisfied with a work, but a line must be drawn somewhere.
glad that you enjoyed the artwork too. :)
Sherry,
thank you! the rain can be very inspiring. :)
Mary,
thank you! for that comment alone, i would have to deliver every Sunday. :)
Loredana,
thanks for the visit! i am glad that you liked the contrast and comparisons here. the mood is a bit bleak, as if the narrator has been trapped in a world he has no control of.
Pealogic,
thank you! both are about rain, the mood in the main poem is mostly bleak, but there is underlying hope in the second (the one in the link).
So well written - your words come alive and I am there, sitting, gloomy, waiting for the rain to end.
Anna :o]
thank you, Anna! the poem is working! :)
You have a lonely and boring job.
not really.
it's nice to take a break once a while.
Cheong...this is a classic!
thank you, my friend! :)
love the images of november rain.
thank you, Natasa! :)
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