Monday, July 01, 2013

the hills

I wrote this poem for NaPoWriMo 2013. It wasn't getting much attention at my other blog. Recently, I did a revision on it, a major rehaul. I think the revised version is a much better, more compact piece. :)

image from imageafter.

the hills

looking down from the hills
to the town below
the apartment blocks
like pixelated laterns

we can only barely imagine
people sleeping,
reading the papers,
watching tv with a beer,

while we are here in our foxholes,
reeking of earth
the toads croaking
their displeasure

in the weeds, the mimosa, a lighter
flares, a cigarette glows
red in the next hole,
a click of a safety catch,

a muffled cough, an expletive,
under a moth-bitten
blanket of sky,
we hunker down

for the night, cradling weapons,
wishing for a beer
a warm bath and
thinking of home too.

written 17/04/2013
revised 29/07/2013

Shared on Poetry Pantry #156 at Poets United.

If you want to read the original poem, it's here.

© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ) 2013

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Blogger Mary said...

It defiinitely would be a hard spending time in a foxhole. You have captured the feelings, I think. A click of a safety catch in that situation would be frightening indeed.

01 July, 2013 09:17  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

its a rather chilling somewhere out there, there are those that are right now on duty, serving, their life in harms way...while we sit safe at home...

01 July, 2013 10:42  
Blogger anthonynorth said...

You've caught the mood perfectly.

01 July, 2013 15:50  
Blogger dsnake1 said...


thank you.
i used a number of "sounds" in this poem to create a mood. :)


yes, this can be a scene from anywhere in the world. i served a long time ago, and the event i described in the poem was just a training exercise, but it could easily be in any war.


thank you! :)

01 July, 2013 23:29  
Blogger R.K. Garon said...

You sure know how to "hunker" down :-) nice write.

04 July, 2013 08:01  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

do i? :D

thanks, ZQ.

04 July, 2013 22:00  
Blogger Lisa A. Williams said...

A very thought provoking poem. I can imagine hiding and wishing for the normal so many take for granted. So well written!

07 July, 2013 08:18  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you , Lisa. :)

08 July, 2013 21:29  
Blogger magiceye said...

Beautifully expressed

09 July, 2013 22:19  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

hey magiceye!
thanks, my friend. :)

10 July, 2013 21:56  
Anonymous tinman said...

Can relate to it

12 July, 2013 23:59  
Blogger Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is a fantastic write, kiddo. Impressive.

24 August, 2013 01:29  
Blogger dsnake1 said...

thank you, Sherry!

24 August, 2013 23:15  

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